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vegetarian

Fun, My Life As...

My Life As A Bean Noodle

 

Cynthia and a bean noodle

Cynthia is jumping up and down like a … well … like a jumping bean.

Marcy:  Stop it. You’re making me dizzy.

Cynthia (jubilantly):  I did it, Marcy!

Marcy:  Did what?

Cynthia performs a kind of jig.

Cynthia:  I got my blood sugar levels down. Significantly.

Cynthia does “jazz hands” and “do si do”.

Marcy: What’s “significantly” mean in this instance?

Cynthia:  Down four whole points and only one point above the “normal” range. Take that (Cynthia performs a karate kick) pre-diabetes. Ha.

Marcy:  Yeah!

Marcy does her own karate kick in the air.

Cynthia:  Thank you, Marcy. And I owe it all to changing my diet – reducing sugar and those baaaad carbs (but keeping the good carbs) and exercising. Did you know I’ve taken up ballet?

Cynthia does a pirouette and face plants onto the floor.  

Marcy:  So I guess we won’t mention the time you “stress ate” half a box of ginger snaps.

Cynthia (philosophically from the floor):  That was unfortunate. But, it’s okay. We all fall off the wagon at some point. The point is to get back on and keep forging ahead.

Marcy:  You know, if you ate meat you might not have this problem in the first place. I suggest Friskies Mixed Grill.

Cynthia pops up off the floor with a purpose.

Cynthia (dramatically):  If one more person in my life equates pre-diabetes with vegetarianism I’m going to scream.

Marcy (hurt):  I’m not a person. I’m a cat.

Cynthia (vehemently):  Studies have shown that one does not necessarily need to get protein from animals AND that vegetable and legume protein is much healthier.

Marcy:  Whatever. I’ll never give up my Friskies. (proudly) I’m an obligate carnivore.

Cynthia (enthusiastically):  FYI – one of the best foods I’ve found to get a huge punch of protein are noodles made from beans!

 

Modern Table Meals Italian Red Lentil Penne

 

 Cynthia:  One serving has 20 grams of protein and 11 grams of fiber. Amazing. And, they taste just like wheat noodles.
Tolerant – Organic Red Lentil Rotini

Cynthia (solemnly):  Bean noodles have saved my life.

Cynthia joyfully resumes her jumping bean dance.

Cynthia:  My goal for the next six months is to go down another four points so I’m smack dab in the “normal” aka “healthy” range.

 
Marcy:  So I guess you’ll continue to eat bean noodles for the foreseeable future?

Cynthia:  You bet, baby! (she waves her hands in the air) Woot Woot!

Marcy:  I think you mean Toot Toot.  I’ll go invest in a match company.

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*You Might Also Like:  The ‘My Life As …’ Series

My Life As A Leafy Green Vegetable

My Life As A Carrot

My Life As A Broccoli Floret

My Life As A NOT Potato

And for cats:

Who Stole My Cheetos?

Fun, My Life As...

My Life As A Carrot

Photo by Sara Cozolino Photography (with my own iPhone filter added).

Cynthia happily bounces around the house waving vegetables in the air.

Cynthia:  In my quest to stave off prediabetes, one step I’ve taken is adding more vegetables to my snacks. And ya know what?

Marcy:  No.

Cynthia (excitedly):  It’s surprisingly easy! One of my tricks is to replace carrots and cucumbers for crackers.

Chalk Art Street Art by David Zinn

Marcy:  Don’t lie. You still eat crackers. I see you.

Cynthia:  Yes but instead of say… fifteen… Triscuits, I’ll only have the serving size of six. Then I put some cheese on cucumbers or dip some carrots into hummus or that yummy bleu cheese pecan dip from Trader Joe’s, and … voila… a healthy snack that isn’t crazy out of control with carbs. And it still has the satisfying crunch of crackers. And very importantly, I do not feel as though I am depriving myself.

 

Cynthia (very seriously):  Yes, it is a concern. I once knew a guy who literally WAS orange because he ate so many carrots. I think he was addicted to carrot smoothies. It was extremely strange.Marcy:  You’re going to turn orange.

Cynthia and Marcy consider this thoughtfully for a moment.

Cynthia (brightly):  So. In order not to turn orange, I am going to mix up my carrot consumption with more crunchy veggies like celery, bell peppers, radishes, romaine lettuce, and… more cucumbers.

I have to say that sugar really does affect me adversely. In the one week that I have cut back on sweets and refined sugar, and limiting (but not eliminating) my carb intake on whole grain wheat, I find I am more energetic and my brain is not foggy.

Cynthia jogs in place and fist bumps the air with a bunch of carrots.

Cynthia:  Am I going to defy diabetes, Alzheimer’s, and ultimately… death? What do you think, Marcy?

Marcy:  That this is the most boring post you’ve ever written. Where’s the drama? Where’s the humor? And more importantly…Where’s the meat?


 

*If you are a human you might also like:

My Life As A Leafy Green Vegetable 

*If you are a cat you might also like:

mostly me, by penelope (who stole my cheetos?)

 

Fun, My Life As...

My Life As A Leafy Green Vegetable

cynthia


Marcy enters to find Cynthia looking a little freaked out.

Marcy:  You look a little freaked out. What gives?

Cynthia: I’m not sure. I had a routine blood test and the results are that I’m possibly… prediabetic.

Marcy:  That’s awesome!

Cynthia (sharply):  What?

Marcy:  Prediabolical is great. It means you’re almost diabolical. Way to go, Cindy. I didn’t think you had it in you.

Cynthia:  Prediabetic. It means I’ve got too much sugar … or carbohydrates…or something. I don’t know. I have to see the doctor about it.

Marcy (knowingly):  It’s because you don’t eat meat. If you ate Friskies instead of pasta and grape nuts and cookies you wouldn’t be in this fix.

Cynthia (annoyed):  I’m not eating meat, Marcy. But you’re right, I have been eating too many cookies lately.

Marcy:  If you ate Friskies then –

Cynthia (snapping):  I’m not eating meat!

Marcy:  Okay. No need to be crabby.

Cynthia:  I’ll just cut back on the carbs, eliminate sugar, and exercise more until I can find out what the deal is. Maybe it’s just a blip.

Marcy:  So what will you eat?

Cynthia:  Vegetables.

Marcy:  And?

Cynthia (cranky):  I don’t know, Marcy. Vegetables. I eat a lot of them anyway. I’ll just… you know… eat more.

 

Marcy:  More? You already eat enough lettuce and carrots that I worry the rabbits of the world are going hungry.


Cynthia:  Yeah right. As if you worry about the welfare of rabbits.

Marcy: Now, if you ate … meat, I would recommend Friskies. It’s by far the –

Cynthia (diabolically):  I … will not. Eat meat. 

I will figure out how to be a vegetarian and stay healthy at the same time. So. Are you going to help me with this?

Marcy:  As long as I don’t have to eat anything green. Yuck.

Cynthia (suddenly brightening):  You know, this could be an interesting journey. C’mon. Let’s see what’s in our kitchen and count those carbs.

Marcy and Cynthia trot off to the kitchen to do some investigating.

Marcy:  And I’ll count Friskies cans.

 

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