It’s another Dear Marcy! Ask her anything and hope she doesn’t answer.
My wife wouldn’t let me out of the house in my casual wear yesterday. She said I looked like Charlie Brown. But I looked like every other guy out there – shorts, tshirt, baseball cap, shoes, socks. So what’s her problem?
Confused American Man
The problem is yours, not hers.
In the famous words of Lloyd Dobler’s best friend, Corey, “Don’t be a guy. Be a man.”
Obviously, you did not look like a man, you looked like you just stepped out of the Adam Sandler/David Spade movie, unaptly entitled, Grown Ups.
Which means you looked exactly like Charlie Brown, Linus, and the boys from Peanuts.
Which means you looked like a child. Which, quite honestly is grounds for divorce. You’re lucky you only got a time-out.
I do not know why American men began dressing like children. I do not know when American men began dressing like children.
But it needs to stop. And it should start with you. And it is far simpler than you might think.
Tips for casual wear for the American Man:
- Replace your baggy old tee with with a fitted button down. Untucked.
- Replace your baggy mid-calf shorts with slimmer above the knee shorts.
- Or better yet, wear fitted dark wash jeans.
- For the love of Gato get rid of the dirty baseball cap and replace it with sunglasses and sunscreen.
- Banish those horrible hideous disgusting white socks.
If you do these things, maybe… just maybe … (but probably not) … you will trick your wife into thinking you are –
Instead of every other other alarmingly infantilized Charlie Brown American Male out there.
Do it for your wife. Do it for your marriage. Do it for humankind.
*Please email Marcy at MarcyVeryMuch@gmail.com if you have a pressing question (fashion or otherwise) that needs to be answered by a cat.