Marcy and Penelope Kitten turn City Hall into Kitty Hall. …
Cynthia is getting ready for jury duty when Marcy saunters in.
Marcy: I hope you’re not going to City Hall.
Cynthia: Why? That’s exactly where I’m going.
Marcy: Then don’t come back home ‘cause Los Angeles City Hall is infested with rats and some lady who works there just got typhus.
Penelope Kitten dramatically blocks the door.
penelope kitten (squeaking): you’re not leaving until we catify city hall. let’s get on it, marcy very much.
Cue the Dragnet theme song.
Marcy and Penelope Kitten brainstorm.
They spread architectural floor plans and maps of Downtown Los Angeles out on the kitchen table.
penelope kitten: facts, please, sir.
Marcy: The entire building is infested.
- The rats are living in the walls/ceilings and boldly making daytime excursions into offices. (Video evidence here.)
- They are dining on pumpkins, plants, trash, leftover food, and City Councilman, Herb Wesson’s orchids.
- Fleas from the rats are everywhere and feasting on City Hall employees.
- Los Angeles’s trash-ridden streets and unsanitary homeless encampments have caused a massive typhus outbreak that has moved inside City Hall.
- Deputy City Attorney Elizabeth Greenwood contracted typhus while working inside the building and refuses to go back to work.
- City Council wants to replace the carpets on all 27 floors and fumigate the entire building.
penelope kitten: ha ha. like that will work.
Marcy: City Councilman Herb Wesson wants to rip up the carpets and not replace them. He likes his new polished concrete floors that go with the art deco design of the building. Plus, he wants an inventory of all plants.
penelope kitten: wrong. here’s what they need.
- 5 indoor-friendly cats per floor.
- 20 community cats outdoors.
that’s 155 total cats. gasp… we can save them from the city shelters.
Marcy: Exactly. Put those working cats to work. When the Los Angeles Flower Market employed working cats at their downtown mart, their rat infestation disappeared.
penelope kitten: plus, cat cuddles are good for employee morale.
Marcy: Exactly. So. Let’s start implementing the plan. Better call the mayor first.
Penelope Kitten gets on the phone to the mayor’s office. She hangs up quickly.
penelope kitten: not there.
Marcy: Figures. Where is the mayor when you need him?
penelope kitten: iowa. possibly new hampshire.
Marcy: Can’t be. He declared he wouldn’t run for president.
penelope kitten: eric garcetti yes. eric gar-catti still has hopes.
Marcy: Get LA Times reporter, Steve Lopez, on this stat. And tell him he needs cats too. I’m sick of hearing him weep about unwanted wildlife wreaking havoc on his house. Tell him to pussy up and stop pouting.
penelope kitten: operation kitty hall here we come.
Marcy and penelope kitten: MEOW!
*Hey Los Angeles! YOU. NEED. CATS. The answer to your problem is sitting in your very own backyards, streets, and city and county animal shelters!
*Check out Best Friends Working Cats Program.