Marcy and Penelope Kitten interpret Cyber Monday a little differently than us humans. Or do they?
Cynthia struts around like she is in a fashion show. She is humming cheesy disco songs.
Cynthia (excitedly): Hey Marcy, don’t you think I could totally rock this kitty handbag?!
Cynthia (incredulously): You don’t think I would look totally “supa fly”, rockin’ this kitty bag?!
Cynthia (unbelieving): C’mon. You don’t think I would totally look too cool for school carrying around this cat bag?!
Cynthia strikes a pose.
Marcy: No. In fact, I often wonder how you survived the mean girls of seventh grade.
Cynthia (suddenly solemn): Here’s my advice on surviving 7th grade. When you are walking around the halls thinking you look groovy with Hello Kitty stickers stuck to your face and a bad perm, NEVER EVER turn down a mean girl’s request to do a makeover on you. Because really, she’s probably only trying to help. And…maybe… you might look really great with heavy black eyeliner and caked on electric blue eye shadow while playing dodgeball in your tube socks and gym shorts! How would you know unless you tried?
Cynthia starts grooving down a pretend catwalk again.
Cynthia (stopping): Oh! And NEVER EVER admit that the Bee Gees are your fave band. Now, excuse me while I decide whether to purchase this totally rad cat bag.
|“Critter on the Dance Floor” Cat Bag
Marcy: Gag me with a spoon.
Cynthia: I often think fashion designers make fun of us mere mortals. As if they are the Cool Clique of 7th Grade wielding their Mean Girl Powers over us acne prone nerds. Case in point: Shoes with cat faces on the toe box.
|Charlotte Olympia Cat Shoe|
Marcy: Those are ghastly.
Cynthia: And expensive! Those Charlotte Olympia cat shoes are $595! And everyone is getting into the (meow) mix!
Cynthia: To me, they look matronly or childlike. Okay if you’re five. Okay if you’re 85. Maybe a twenty-something hipster trying to be ironic could pull it off. But on me? I think I would get those somewhat scared and sympathetic nods and half smiles people give you when they are certain you have fallen off the abyss into Cat Ladydom.
Marcy: You get those looks anyway.
Cynthia: Yes, but at least I’m not in 7th grade anymore and I don’t feel the need to jump on the Mean Girls Bandwagon. So no cat shoes for me. Now, if you’ve got a great cat shirt, cat necklace, cat tote bag, or cat headband, I’m in!
Marcy: You mean you’re out. Or, according to 7th grade logic, you are still the gangly girl playing viola in the orchestra, wearing the uncool shoes, and wishing she was Laura Ingalls.
Cynthia (happily): Yes!
Marcy: And this is a step forward?
Cynthia (proudly): Yes!
Marcy: Oh brother.