mostly me, by penelope

Penelope Kitten Turns In Her AR-15

What!? …


Penelope Kitten is dragging her little red wagon – on which a heavy metal crate sits – towards the front door.

Cynthia:  That looks so heavy! Where in the world are you going, P?

penelope kitten(squeaking):  police station.

Cynthia:  Why?

penelope kitten:  turn in my gun and stuff.

Cynthia:  What?!

Cynthia opens Penelope’s safe.

Cynthia screams.

Cynthia:  That’s an AR-15!!

penelope kitten (squeaking):  yeah.

Cynthia:  That’s an assault weapon!  That’s a weapon of war!

penelope kitten:  i know.

Cynthia:  How did you get an AR-15?

penelope kitten:  easy peasy. it’s the only gun i could buy without an id and age restriction.

Cynthia:  Why?! Why do you need an assault weapon?

penelope kitten (sadly):  got scared.

Cynthia:  Of what?!

penelope kitten:  the crows.

and my wiffle ball buddy, the coyote, tried to take a bite out of me.

also, i heard I might get deported back to the creepy motel parking lot where i was born.  figured i’d need protection since i don’t know how to speak feral anymore.

Cynthia (reeling) Oh my gosh.  Penelope!

penelope kitten:  but i saw how sad and angry you were about the mass shooting in your hometown.

and i never want to hurt anyone.

so i’m turning it in.

4,999,999 to go before all ar-15 weapons are off the streets.

Marcy rummages around in Penelope Kitten’s metal safe.

Cynthia back bolts over to the safe.

Cynthia:  What else does she have in there?

Marcy:  Hmmm… let’s see.  A jujitsu knife. A toenail clipper.  And a food processor.

penelope kitten (squeaking):  thought i might get hungry on the streets. i like my food mushy.


*We’ll be back to our fun silly sweet posts next time. In the meantime here’s a goofy happy bizarre video of a leaping black cat – so as not to let you leave our site in a complete state of depression. 

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  • Reply Patty February 22, 2018 at 12:10 pm

    Poor P-Kitty, I didn’t realize she was living in such fear. But, I’m glad she got rid of her gun. She better get to work on the other 4.9 million. And thanks for the leaping video. It was awesome! I bet that cat has an AR-15 just for that scary spot.

    • Reply MarcyVeryMuch February 22, 2018 at 12:21 pm

      Knowing Penelope, she’s already at work trying to get rid of the rest of the AR-15’s.

      • mm
        Reply penelope kitten February 22, 2018 at 12:23 pm

        i’m on it.
        not scared anymore.
        squeak, p-kitty

        • Reply Vik February 22, 2018 at 5:05 pm

          GO PK!

          • mm
            penelope kitten February 22, 2018 at 6:47 pm

            i’m go go going!
            squeak, pk

  • Reply Big Momma February 22, 2018 at 3:18 pm

    Thanks, Penelope, for doing your part. It is so amazing and sad that everyone and their cat can buy a weapon of war. It feels as if we are living in a nation of barbarians. Even the leaping cat did not cheer me up, but thanks for trying.

    • mm
      Reply penelope kitten February 22, 2018 at 3:32 pm

      uh oh.
      i’m sorry.
      maybe watch it again.
      squeak, penelope kitten

  • Reply Liz March 9, 2018 at 9:13 am

    “easy peasy. it’s the only gun i could buy without an id and age restriction.”

    Exactly. And also, wtf?! I feel like every get-together we’ve had with friends and family over the past couple of weeks, the conversation inevitably turns to this. I think it’s these kids who are going to spark change. Them and penelope kitten, of course.


    • Reply MarcyVeryMuch March 9, 2018 at 1:42 pm

      Oh I so agree! These kids are going to change our world!

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