Penelope Kitten is dragging her little red wagon – on which a heavy metal crate sits – towards the front door.
Cynthia: That looks so heavy! Where in the world are you going, P?
penelope kitten(squeaking): police station.
penelope kitten: turn in my gun and stuff.
Cynthia opens Penelope’s safe.
Cynthia: That’s an AR-15!!
penelope kitten (squeaking): yeah.
Cynthia: That’s an assault weapon! That’s a weapon of war!
penelope kitten: i know.
Cynthia: How did you get an AR-15?
penelope kitten: easy peasy. it’s the only gun i could buy without an id and age restriction.
Cynthia: Why?! Why do you need an assault weapon?
penelope kitten (sadly): got scared.
Cynthia: Of what?!
penelope kitten: the crows.
and my wiffle ball buddy, the coyote, tried to take a bite out of me.
also, i heard I might get deported back to the creepy motel parking lot where i was born. figured i’d need protection since i don’t know how to speak feral anymore.
Cynthia (reeling): Oh my gosh. Penelope!
penelope kitten: but i saw how sad and angry you were about the mass shooting in your hometown.
and i never want to hurt anyone.
so i’m turning it in.
4,999,999 to go before all ar-15 weapons are off the streets.
Marcy rummages around in Penelope Kitten’s metal safe.
Cynthia back bolts over to the safe.
Cynthia: What else does she have in there?
Marcy: Hmmm… let’s see. A jujitsu knife. A toenail clipper. And a food processor.
penelope kitten (squeaking): thought i might get hungry on the streets. i like my food mushy.
*We’ll be back to our fun silly sweet posts next time. In the meantime here’s a goofy happy bizarre video of a leaping black cat – so as not to let you leave our site in a complete state of depression.