It’s 6pm (Friskies o’clock).
Marcy: Tonight I would like some Mur Lott with my Mixed Grill.
Marcy: Oh wait. You are serving Ocean Whitefish? Then I think I will have some Pine Nut Grease.
Cynthia (confused): What?
Marcy: I see you did not get my memo to buy the Nyan Nyan Nouveau so I would like some Pine Nut Grease instead.
Cynthia (really confused): WHAT?
Marcy: Pine Nut Grease. I will spell it for you. P-I-N-O-T G-R-I-S.
Cynthia (incredibly confused): You want wine?
Marcy: Yes, I want this wine made specifically for cats.
Marcy shows Cynthia this…
Cynthia (becoming alarmed): Wine? For cats? What?
Marcy: Yes, it just came out in Japan. It is called Nyan Nyan Nouveau and it is a lovely Cabernet wine with hints of catnip just for us sophistiCATS.
Cynthia (horrified): It has Cabernet grapes? And it is intended for cats to drink?
Marcy: Of course, it’s a wine.
Cynthia (panicked and outraged): Grapes? GRAPES ARE POISONOUS TO CATS.
Marcy: Oh, I don’t think –
Cynthia: GRAPES ARE POISONOUS TO CATS.
GRAPES CAUSE KIDNEY FAILURE IN CATS.
WHAT A DUMB STUPID TOXIC BONE-HEADED
BAD BAD BAD IDEA.
Marcy takes refuge under the sofa as the usually light-hearted Cynthia storms around the house yelling and cursing at this very bad idea.
Cynthia: This is so irresponsible. How many people are now going to try and give their cats wine? Hunh?
Marcy (meekly from under the sofa): I don’t know.
Cynthia (ranting): Well, let’s see. How many people don’t spay/neuter their pets? How many people abandon their domestic indoor cats to the streets to fend for themselves when they don’t feel like caring for them anymore? And now, there is going to be the misconception that it is okay to let your cat drink… WINE?! UGH.
Marcy: You’re kind of scaring me.
Cynthia: Awww… I’m sorry, Marcy. Stupidity like this just makes me crazy mad.
Marcy: Well, you know, I am a French cat, so probably it will not be poisonous for me. The French drink lots of wine.
Cynthia looks like her head will explode any second.
Cynthia (barely stifling a scream): It’s poisonous to ALL CATS. GRAPES AND/OR WINE ARE POISONOUS TO ALL CATS.
Marcy decides that it would be best to hang out under the sofa for a little while longer.
*Grapes are also poisonous to dogs.
*Other poisonous foods to our beloved pets are chocolate, onions, garlic, caffeine, gum, and alcohol.