Fashion

Why We’re Not Covering Awards Fashion Anymore

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Illustration by Charlotta Larsdotter

 

That’s right. We’re pretty much done with it.

 

5pm Pacific Time. The Golden Globes Awards Ceremony is starting.

Marcy and Cynthia silently stare at the TV. Their mouths agape. 

Ricky Gervais is giving an angry, mean, facile, and infantile opening monologue in which he resorts to unfunny butt jokes and crappy sexual innuendos. 

But the scariest part for Marcy and Cynthia is watching the actors/directors/producers laugh uproariously.

Cynthia:  Why are they laughing? This is such amateur comedy. Did he have an intern write this?

Marcy:  They’re scared. Can’t you see – they’re laughing with their mouths but you can see the panic in their eyes.

Cynthia:  It’s like an amateur open mic night where all the audience is made up of comics. Or junior high when the popular mean girl picks on the nerd. No one wants to look uncool by not going along even though they know it’s crappy/wrong.

Marcy:  And we like Ricky Gervais usually.

Cynthia:  I know. He’s a great advocate for the animals.

Just then Jonah Hill comes onstage in a stupid bear mask. And again, the audience of actors/directors/producers laugh uproariously.

Marcy:  Give me the remote.

Marcy takes the remote and hits the power button.

The TV goes dark.

Marcy:  By the way, this is supposed to be a post about the red carpet looks, not a rant on morality. We’re a FUN blog, you know.

Cynthia:  So, did you have a favorite look?

Marcy:  No. Did you?

Cynthia:  No. Nothing was amazing. We saw lots of red lipstick, white-blonde hair, odd cut-out gowns, white gowns, and very dark spray-on tans.

Marcy:  I think the red carpet fun died with Joan.

Marcy and Cynthia take a moment of silence in remembrance of Joan Rivers.

Cynthia:  I believe you are correct. Joan invented the red carpet revelry two decades ago. She infused it with her unbridled  joy of fashion and a love of glamour.

Marcy:  And expert cattiness.

Cynthia: Yes, that too. What a thrill! The red carpet feels so passe now. I’m done with it. I think from now on we will only talk about red carpet looks if something comes along that is truly amazing.

Marcy:  Shall we?

Cynthia raises her martini glass. Marcy raises her Friskies can.

Marcy and Cynthia:  Cheers to Joan Rivers. May she rest in peace and tap dance in an afterlife of true Hollywood glitz and glamour.

=^..^=

Below are three looks we sort of liked.

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Amber Heard

 

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Zendaya

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Calista Flockhart

 

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10 Comments

  • Reply Patty January 11, 2016 at 11:23 am

    My method of “watching” awards shows now is to look at the batch of red carpet pictures the next day and then watch the highlights/low-lights of the ceremony in quick 20 second videos. It’s really funny to me how one gown is one person’s disaster and another person’s genius. I like to see them without commentary, decide for myself, then see if it’s in line with what the professionals thought.

    • Reply MarcyVeryMuch January 11, 2016 at 12:56 pm

      So did you like any of them?
      xo,cynthia

      • Reply Patty January 14, 2016 at 12:06 pm

        I liked Jenna Dewan Tatum and Emmy Rossum’s dresses.

  • Reply Big Momma January 11, 2016 at 12:01 pm

    I didn’t watch but read a scathing review that also criticized Ricky’s lame, recycled jokes. Such a shame ’cause I usually love him.
    So the clothes were nothing special either? Good thing you guys weren’t live-blogging. It would have been a challenge to make something so awful seem like fun.

    • Reply MarcyVeryMuch January 11, 2016 at 1:03 pm

      It was sad to see him so mean and unfunny. And he really is big animal advocate. So bummed.
      so,cynthia

  • Reply TheLadyK January 11, 2016 at 1:11 pm

    Don’t forget the ruffles.
    I saw some hideous ruffle-erm… Stuff… Going on.

    I didn’t watch because I don’t have real tv.
    I did read some of the recaps this morning.
    I’m just not impressed with any of it anymore.
    (Mixes martini and joins Cindy & Marcy in toast)

    • Reply MarcyVeryMuch January 11, 2016 at 1:47 pm

      There was a lot of weird stuff going on!
      Cheers!
      xo and meow, marcy + cynthia

  • Reply Vik January 11, 2016 at 2:51 pm

    You watched more than I (which was none).
    Good job girls (for knowing you are done).

    😸

    • Reply MarcyVeryMuch January 11, 2016 at 5:34 pm

      Def don’t bother!
      meow,marcy

  • Reply Michelle Obama: Sunny With A Chance Of Hope – Marcy Very Much January 13, 2016 at 2:44 pm

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