Fashion

Dear Marcy: My Wife Says I Dress Like Charlie Brown. Is This Bad?

IMG_4164

It’s another Dear Marcy!  Ask her anything and hope she doesn’t answer.

 

Dear Marcy,

My wife wouldn’t let me out of the house in my casual wear yesterday. She said I looked like Charlie Brown. But I looked like every other guy out there – shorts, tshirt, baseball cap, shoes, socks.  So what’s her problem?

Sincerely,

Confused American Man

 

Dear Idiot,

The problem is yours, not hers.

In the famous words of Lloyd Dobler’s best friend, Corey,  “Don’t be a guy. Be a man.”

Obviously, you did not look like a man, you looked like this.

 

grownups

 

Which means you looked exactly like this.

 

charlie_brown_and_linus_wallpaper

 

Which means you looked like a child. Which, quite honestly is grounds for divorce. You’re lucky you only got a time-out.

I do not know why American men began dressing like children. I do not know when American men began dressing like children.

But it needs to stop. And it should start with you. And it is far simpler than you might think.

Tips for casual wear for the American Man:

  1.  Replace your baggy old tee with with a fitted button down. Untucked.
  2. Replace your baggy mid-calf shorts with slimmer above the knee shorts.
  3. Or better yet, wear fitted dark wash jeans.
  4. For the love of Gato get rid of the dirty baseball cap and replace it with sunglasses and sunscreen.
  5. Banish those horrible hideous disgusting white socks.

If you do these things, maybe… just maybe … (but probably not) … you will trick your wife into thinking you are –

ORLANDO BLOOM!

orlando-bloom-at-giffoni-film-festival-2015-day-9_2

 

2783A09E00000578-3036673-image-a-18_1428916622302

 

Instead of every other other alarmingly infantilized Charlie Brown American Male out there.

Do it for your wife. Do it for your marriage. Do it for humankind.

You’re welcome,

Marcy

 

*Please email Marcy at MarcyVeryMuch@gmail.com if you have a pressing question (fashion or otherwise) that needs to be answered by a cat.

 

 

 

Previous Post Next Post

You Might Also Like

12 Comments

  • Reply Patty October 3, 2015 at 12:55 pm

    Marcy is so harsh! I love it! I’ve been reading a lot lately that cargo shorts for guys are out but the non-cargo just look so preppy and stick-up-your butt. I guess I’ll have to see some more cool guys wearing them to change my opinion.

    • Reply MarcyVeryMuch October 4, 2015 at 6:12 pm

      and what’s wrong with a preppy stick-up-your-butt?
      meow,marcy

  • Reply Big Momma October 3, 2015 at 1:36 pm

    Marcy, what a wonderful photo. The caption should read, “yes, I am judging you and you’re failing.”

    I don’t think men should wear shorts in public, ever. Those hairy legs are not attractive and if they’re not hairy, they’re girly looking.

    • Reply MarcyVeryMuch October 4, 2015 at 6:13 pm

      exactly. great minds think alike. welcome back to my club.
      meow,marcy

  • Reply Vik October 3, 2015 at 4:00 pm

    Marcy, please don’t sugarcoat it. Tell us how you truly feel LOL. Wondering, does Freddy ever fall under your commentary, the way Cynthia does?

    • Reply Patty October 3, 2015 at 9:18 pm

      Ha! That is a great caption for Marcy!

    • Reply Freddy October 4, 2015 at 11:46 am

      Marcy straightened me out years ago. She even persuaded/intimidated me into letting Cindy go through my wardrobe, which my wife seemed to enjoy a little too much. So I’ve cleaned up my act. A bit. I still look like a hobo around the house.

    • Reply MarcyVeryMuch October 4, 2015 at 6:15 pm

      Me and Marcy are pretty blunt when it comes to Freddy’s attire. Good thing is he lets us dress him now and looks super stylish. Well, he looks pretty good anyway. 😉 If we do say so ourselves.
      xo,cynthia

      and we do.
      meow,marcy

  • Reply Merrie K. October 4, 2015 at 5:33 pm

    Well, I think Marcy’s face said it all…she was NOT impressed…lol 🙂

    • Reply MarcyVeryMuch October 4, 2015 at 6:16 pm

      you said it!
      meow,marcy

  • Reply Liz October 7, 2015 at 7:34 am

    Omg yes! I’m showing this to Kyle. He doesn’t understand why the white socks have got to go. Thankfully he’s mastered most of the other criteria. Or least he pretends he’s mastered it when we go out in public. He bought a suit the other day, and the salesman gave him a quick schooling on what sort of shoes and socks to wear. Coming from the salesman, Kyle soaked it right up. I’ve been telling him the same things for years, but what do I know? I’m just bossy Lucy.

    <3 Liz
    http://www.withwonderandwhimsy.com

    • Reply MarcyVeryMuch October 7, 2015 at 5:31 pm

      LOL I feel like bossy Lucy too. Sometimes I think men need to hear fashion advice from people other than their spouses. Kyle always looks super nice and stylish on your blog!
      xo,cynthia

    Leave a Reply